Phillip and I now have 3 children...David, Keegan, and a little baby that I won't meet until I get to Heaven. We found out last week that we were pregnant, and Sunday we lost the baby. The pregnancy was a shock. We weren't trying, but we were excited. Very excited. 3 positive tests changed our world for a few days. I was excited for the boys to be big brothers, anxious for where we would put a 3rd car seat, and praying that there was just one baby instead of twins!
Because it has happened so fast, I'm at a loss as to how to process all of the emotions. I went from shocked, to elated, to scared, to heartbroken. I am thankful that whatever was happening with the baby, the Lord took him or her early. I am very thankful that I was not further along. I am excited that I will meet this sweet baby soon. When Phillip and I get to Heaven, we'll meet another little Jefferson and I wonder now who he will look like? My grandparents will probably meet my little boy or girl before I will. He is getting to see my Grandpa Bill and Grandma June. My Dad's Grammie is there too. And one day Phillip and I will be there and get to see his or her precious face.
I have never been through this, and no one in our immediate families has either. We both are struggling to understand but we know that God's ways are higher than ours. We trust that He has a plan that will come from this that is far greater than anything we can imagine right now. Neither one of us want it on facebook for all of the world to see, but I've found that blogging can be a wonderful way to express feelings I can't understand. Today I'm choosing to trust in God's perfect love and peace and to rest in His will.