Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sweet baby

Phillip and I now have 3 children...David, Keegan, and a little baby that I won't meet until I get to Heaven. We found out last week that we were pregnant, and Sunday we lost the baby. The pregnancy was a shock. We weren't trying, but we were excited. Very excited. 3 positive tests changed our world for a few days. I was excited for the boys to be big brothers, anxious for where we would put a 3rd car seat, and praying that there was just one baby instead of twins!

Because it has happened so fast, I'm at a loss as to how to process all of the emotions. I went from shocked, to elated, to scared, to heartbroken. I am thankful that whatever was happening with the baby, the Lord took him or her early. I am very thankful that I was not further along. I am excited that I will meet this sweet baby soon. When Phillip and I get to Heaven, we'll meet another little Jefferson and I wonder now who he will look like? My grandparents will probably meet my little boy or girl before I will. He is getting to see my Grandpa Bill and Grandma June. My Dad's Grammie is there too. And one day Phillip and I will be there and get to see his or her precious face.

I have never been through this, and no one in our immediate families has either. We both are struggling to understand but we know that God's ways are higher than ours. We trust that He has a plan that will come from this that is far greater than anything we can imagine right now. Neither one of us want it on facebook for all of the world to see, but I've found that blogging can be a wonderful way to express feelings I can't understand. Today I'm choosing to trust in God's perfect love and peace and to rest in His will.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

So much to do! So little time!

I must get better at blogging...So much happening and I rarely put it down "on paper" to remember. My babies are one. They turned one on February 21st. In the last week they have started walking and their personalities get stronger and stronger every day. My hands are full but so is my heart!

Not only are the boys growing, but Phillip and I are in a great season of spiritual growth. God is truly doing something new in us and it's amazing because it is following a season of very hard things. In the last year we have questioned so much but some things has stayed true, the faithfulness and goodness of the Lord. He has never failed, nor will He EVER fail. Our confidence is grounded in Him and we have learned to trust in a whole new dimension. God is starting to really break our hearts for those who do not have a relationship with Him. We long to see our friends find Christ and even further, people we have not met yet. Our hearts are set on being full-time missionaries, to whichever field the Lord directs us too. Our goal is not to beat people over the head with a Bible...our goal is to serve and love people just as Christ would serve and love them. We are starting to reach out to some of the children's homes, orphan care homes, and other places to ask if we can volunteer and serve. Too long have we been satisfied to go to church every Sunday and live OUR lives right...we want to reach out. We want our lives to make a difference. We are not content to stay here, raise our family, build wealth, have a big home, and everything that defines "success" to most people. We are ready to sell it all, live on very little, and raise our boys to be givers if it means we can reach one person with the message of Jesus Christ.

The time is quickly approaching when God will move us. We both feel it in our hearts. There is an excitement and a burden all in one! We'll go anywhere. Phillip and I both feel that we will eventually be in India, helping to get kids off of the streets and into a safe place. Until then, we are ready for anything. There has to be more than the way we are living and the life we are building!