Phillip and I now have 3 children...David, Keegan, and a little baby that I won't meet until I get to Heaven. We found out last week that we were pregnant, and Sunday we lost the baby. The pregnancy was a shock. We weren't trying, but we were excited. Very excited. 3 positive tests changed our world for a few days. I was excited for the boys to be big brothers, anxious for where we would put a 3rd car seat, and praying that there was just one baby instead of twins!
Because it has happened so fast, I'm at a loss as to how to process all of the emotions. I went from shocked, to elated, to scared, to heartbroken. I am thankful that whatever was happening with the baby, the Lord took him or her early. I am very thankful that I was not further along. I am excited that I will meet this sweet baby soon. When Phillip and I get to Heaven, we'll meet another little Jefferson and I wonder now who he will look like? My grandparents will probably meet my little boy or girl before I will. He is getting to see my Grandpa Bill and Grandma June. My Dad's Grammie is there too. And one day Phillip and I will be there and get to see his or her precious face.
I have never been through this, and no one in our immediate families has either. We both are struggling to understand but we know that God's ways are higher than ours. We trust that He has a plan that will come from this that is far greater than anything we can imagine right now. Neither one of us want it on facebook for all of the world to see, but I've found that blogging can be a wonderful way to express feelings I can't understand. Today I'm choosing to trust in God's perfect love and peace and to rest in His will.
Oh Ashley, I am so sorry. I have not walked this road myself, but have walked it with some good friends (Lori and Linda). You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAshley, I am praying for you and Phillip. Every night I pray for my angel baby and I know that I will see her one day also. I know that my grandma and great grandmas are enjoying her right now and one day I will get the chance to enjoy her as well. God has a plan. I know it's easy to say but now looking back I wouldn't have either of my precious babies if it weren't for the loss of my first precious baby.
ReplyDelete~Megan Paul
Ashley, my friend. I'm just reading this on May 1st, more than a month later and I know that now there is good news for you and Phillip. I'm so glad.
ReplyDeleteProcessing all of it will take awhile, but you are up to it. God will uphold you through it all, and I know that you know that.
Like Sheila said, I have two babies in heaven. they are with Jesus and their grandma (my mom) and that has always given me a lot of peace.
And like you, I can't wait to meet mine. (I think they are both boys and in my heart I've named them Jonah and Luke.)
And just like Megan inferred, my wonderful Levi is here now for me to love and nurture and watch grow. And I can't imagine life without him!
If you would like to chat sometime, give me a call, okay? Love you all!
Linda